Debbie's Story
Why me?Why is it me?
What did I do to deserve this?
It changed my life forever.
Nothing will ever be the same.
Why me?
Should I have done something different?
Should I have taken better care of myself?
I could have done so much and never did it.
Now that I can't do much of anything,
I want to do everything.
Why am I complaining?
It won't change anything.
I have to deal with it and move on.
But still I ask
Why me?
My name is Debbie. I am 18 and have Crohn's disease. I have had it for two years. During the second semester of my sophomore year in high school, I started getting sick. At first I thought I just had some kind of stomach flu. I had diarrhea and abdominal pain. Then, after about a month or so, it started getting worse. For the next two months I was out of school, and I couldn't finish the year. Then in June, I saw blood when I went to the bathroom. It really scared me. Mom tried not to show that she was scared, but I knew she was too. We called my regular doctor, but they said I couldn't get in for an appointment until four days later. It was getting worse and worse and finally I couldn't wait any longer.
My Mom took me into the emergency room. We waited forever for the doctor to come in and see me. When he finally did, he ordered a sigmoidoscopy right away. That was horrible. I had to sit there with no pain medication while they stuck a tube with a little camera attached to the end up my butt. It hurt so much. When it was over, they said I had ulcerative colitis (which was wrong, as we would later find out). They gave me Prednisone and sent me home.
When the new school year came around, I was nervous to go because I was so far behind in school. The first week everything went wrong. I couldn't get the right classes that I needed, and no one would help me. "There is nothing I can do about it," they said. I started getting sick again, probably because of the stress I was having at school. It turned out that I couldn't go to school that quarter of the school year. We tried to have them send home a tutor to help me get caught up, and we told them about my "ulcerative colitis." They didn't believe me and I was told they could not do that. They said: "All of last year she did so well, and she doesn't look sick."
Time went on, and I still couldn't go to school. The school filed a truancy charge against me that continued for the next five months. I had to appear in court, which devastated me. I went three times and still no one believed me except my mom. When I was supposed to go to the last court meeting, I got really sick and had to go to the hospital for two weeks. That was what it took for everyone to finally believe me. Meanwhile, I finally started seeing a gastroenterologist. She did a colonoscopy and determined that I didnt have ulcerative colitis, but in fact had Crohn's disease.
The school then tried to set up a tutor for me but it was a senior at the high school and that person did not really know how to teach. It didn't work at all! We tried to reason with the school once again but they said that was all they could offer me. The summer came and I was well enough to go visit my Dad out in Colorado. I got sick a couple of times but all in all it went OK.
In August we tried working with the school again because they said they could do something else for me. They had meetings and meetings and still nothing happened. I got sick again and decided that I should wait to start up school. I had been on Prednisone basically from the beginning of my diagnosis. It gave me such horrible side effects, like joint pain, migraine headaches, a fat swollen face, a hump on my neck...but worst of all, I gained thirty pounds.
During the time I was sick, my friends slowly stopped calling and coming to see me. I understood that they didn't know how to act or what to say to me while I was sick. Besides, they had their own things they needed to do like school and sports. Also, I was never well enough to go places and do stuff with them. After a while I saw really big differences in them. They would always seem to act really immature all the time so I decided that I didn't need them. My real friends live out in Colorado where I used to live and I talk to them often. I also became really close with my older brother, who is in college, and consider him to be one of my best friends, as well as his girlfriend.
This year would have been my senior year in high school. I hated not being able to do the things I loved to do. In my freshman and sophomore year I was on the field hockey team. I loved it, and I was good at it. I hated knowing that I wouldn't be able to do it anymore. I couldn't go to my junior prom, which I have dreamed about doing ever since I can remember. The biggest disappointment was knowing that I wouldn't be going to my graduation with my class, and that my family wouldn't be taking pictures of me and being so proud of me. I knew I would miss that very much. It took me a long time, but I did accept it.
In October I got really sick again and had to go to the hospital. Even though it was a major setback, it also gave me new hope for the future, because my doctor put me on a new treatment for my Crohn's disease. She was really confident that it would work for me and put me into remission. Although it took a long time to start working, it stopped part of my Crohn's completely. I have a lot more energy without all of the side effects. The best part about it is that I don't have to take Prednisone anymore.
Things are getting better for me now. I withdrew myself from school and am now doing home schooling. I have also been going to a support group for teens with chronic illness. It has really helped me in dealing with my everyday struggles, and its the reason I'm writing this story. I found that good things actually did come out of my illness. It brought me really closer to my Mom and my brother, and I found my own strengths. I know now that I have the capability to get through hard times, and because of that I know I will be a stronger and more confident person in life.
"In the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here."